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In March 2025, the Moscow Region Ombudsman Ksenia Mishonova said The rapidly increasing divorce rate in families of war veterans in Ukraine, in part due to the psychological state of the soldiers, is discussed. NeMoscow spoke with women who have decided to divorce their military husbands and explains why their families fell apart, and why pro-government activists and psychologists often blame the wives for divorces involving war veterans.

“I wanted peace and safety for myself and the child,” explains Elena (Name changed at the request of the heroine - Ed.), why she divorced her husband, who was fighting in the war with Ukraine. Elena is 22 years old, and her ex-husband, Daniil, is 24. They met shortly before the war began, in December 2021, and Daniil was mobilized in September 2022. At the time, Elena was already eight months pregnant. In November, Daniil was given leave to marry.

The couple had no problems in their relationship for the first six months—Elena says the war even strengthened their relationship and "made them understand the value of family." This continued until March 2023, when Daniil returned on leave after a concussion. According to Elena, he spent every day with friends: the war "made him realize that life is very short, you never know when it will end, so you don't want to sit at home. You want to move."

The woman says that when she asked to spend time with her and their child, her husband would lash out. She says he had trouble controlling his aggression even before his mobilization, and his participation in the war only exacerbated the situation. Elena recalls that Daniil demanded that she dress modestly and would tear her clothes if he found them inappropriate: "Various restrictions began, including checking social media and messaging. He demanded that I stay home all the time and not go anywhere."

During this vacation, the couple began to consider divorce, so as not to "traumatize the child," who witnessed their arguments. When Daniil left for the front again and called his wife on the phone, their daughter, hearing her father's voice, began to cry in fear.

Elena's parents reacted negatively to the couple's decision and advised her to "sit tight and keep a low profile," as no one in their family had ever divorced. But when she sent them a video of her husband "trashing the apartment," they supported their daughter. Elena finally decided to divorce when she learned of her husband's infidelity that summer. Elena knows nothing about the woman with whom Daniil began a relationship, other than that she came from Ukraine.

Elena says that in 2022, she created a chat for "SVO wives," which had 20 members. Of these, she says, by 2025, only two or three women remained married. The rest divorced their husbands due to their increased aggression, heavy drinking, or infidelity.

Against the backdrop of rising divorce rates in recent years, the number of divorces in families where the man is serving in the war has also been on the rise. "Combat is a major stressor. People have fewer resources to build relationships, and disagreements escalate. They are less involved in each other's lives, which is what makes a family," explains clinical psychologist Galina Petrakova, explaining the breakdown of military families.

Petrakova notes that coping with this stress factor is possible through comprehensive psychological support provided to those who fought in the war in Ukraine and their families. Such a systemic support system was successfully established in Israel and the United States after the Vietnam War, but it doesn't yet exist in Russia: "There are some isolated initiatives, but they haven't yet been consolidated into a comprehensive system of assistance at the state level."

Most often, they are concentrated in large cities and central regions, so even the existing programs cannot be used by everyone.

One such program, "Subtle Touch," was launched in 2024 in the Leningrad Region. The Presidential Grants Fund singled out 925 rubles for her. "Women need to understand [the man] and adapt," suggests neuropsychologist and rehabilitation specialist and project director Alena Arleanskaya, a way to save the family. She helps military personnel and their wives cope with PTSD. Although the syndrome is usually considered a psychological problem among former military personnel, it can also develop in women who have experienced traumatic events.

In her opinion, even before the military conflict, women's roles in Russian families had been shifting, and the war provided an opportunity to "exacerbate and expose" the problem: "Men have become women's house slippers. [They believe that] he should serve her: bring in money, raise children. But then [after the war began], everything came to light and fell into place: a man should protect this world, and a woman should create her nest, bear children, and raise them."

"A family is held together by the patience of a woman who is willing to believe in her family," says Rezida Zainullina, a psychologist with the "Strength of the Family of Military Service Members" project, organized by the "Family Turnkey" center in Ufa. The project's specialists organize joint meetings for military wives, psychological counseling, and creative activities for families.

"The wives here are not resourceful," the psychologist explains, explaining why women also need help. "They demand something from their husbands when they come home. For example, a husband comes on vacation and wants to relax. And she nags him: 'I'm tired, here's the baby.' So what? Conflict is inevitable, and divorce is inevitable, too."

Chats for "wives of SVO" are a unique way to find support. In them, women often confess to wanting to divorce their husbands, most often because of harsh treatment. Other chat members listen to the women but also urge them to save their marriages: "They're more afraid than we are right now. I will advocate for maximum reduction and acceptance of our men, even in such unpleasant situations," says one chat member, adding that "assault or aggression" is unacceptable, but "words, even hurtful and unfair," can be tolerated.

"I suggested seeing a psychologist and undergoing medication therapy. But he said I needed to see a psychiatrist," recalls Diana. She's 31, and her ex-husband, Alexander, is 30. She's now divorced and raising their son alone.

Diana met Alexander when he was studying at a military engineering school. They married in 2021, Diana became pregnant, and the family moved from Tyumen to Yelnya after being assigned to a military post. The birth coincided with the outbreak of hostilities, where the young lieutenant was deployed from the first days of the full-scale invasion.

"At that time, you could only take a push-button phone with you, so we rarely called each other, but the conversations were very warm," Diana recalls. In March 2022, Alexander was reported missing: "It was terrible, financial difficulties began, but I believed in the best—I went to church and prayed. It was emotionally difficult, especially with a newborn in my arms."

Four months later, Diana learned that her husband had been held captive by the Ukrainian government in the village of Mala Rohan. In June 2022, Alexander was exchanged and returned home on a two-month leave. According to Diana, he drank every day during his leave, leading to arguments between the couple—her husband told Diana she was "nagging" him.

After being wounded in 2023, the man transferred to Tyumen, and with the three million rubles in compensation, the family bought an apartment. But after another argument, Alexander demanded a divorce. After the divorce, the woman says, she and her son were left with nothing: the apartment remained with Alexander.

Lawyer Maxim Granat notesAccording to the Russian Family Code, targeted payments, which include injury benefits, are considered the spouse's personal funds. Property purchased with these funds, even if acquired during the marriage, is not considered jointly acquired and remains the property of the spouse.

“As sad as it may be to admit, today’s fertile woman is raised on forbidden social media, while men are often big children who begin to mature at 45,” acted At a meeting of the working group of the State Duma Committee on the Protection of the Family in April 2025, Yevgeny Rasskazov accused social media of increasing the number of divorces from military personnel and of creating a "demographic hell."

Citing statistics from Rosstat and the Ministry of Defense, Rasskazov stated that in 2024, 68% of marriages where at least one spouse served in the military ended in divorce. The fact that in Russia, 68% of marriages account for 100% of divorces, Reported Irina Kirkora, Deputy Chair of the Presidential Council for Civil Society and Human Rights, as of 2022. Neither the Ministry of Defense nor Rosstat maintain separate statistics on divorces from military personnel.

Rasskazov supported his observations about the causes of divorce with the experience of his project: in 2023, a former member of the "Rusich" DShRG, and then the "Espanola" brigade, founded the free psychological assistance project "Waiting at Home." Although, according to project director and psychologist Anastasia Myagkova, Rasskazov himself does not provide psychological assistance to clients, there is a review on the project's website in which a woman thanks "Topazika" (call sign Rasskazov) for "selfless and sincere support" and "wise advice."

Psychologist Galina Petrakova notes that a shortcoming of some initiatives providing psychological support to military personnel and their families is that the experts' qualifications are not always transparent: "Specialists must be trained to work with trauma, PTSD, and those who have returned from the front. There are specific protocols, techniques, and approaches. But we can't be sure of the qualifications of the specialists involved in such projects—this isn't regulated at the state level, although it should be."

A manual of rules of conduct for wives of the Special Military Forces, compiled in 2024, also received criticism from psychologists. Ilnar Zinnatullin, one of the authors of the manual and the head of the "Value Life" charity in Kazan, is also a former participant in the war in Ukraine, like Rasskazov. In addition to humanitarian aid, the foundation provides psychological support to soldiers and their families.

The manual advises women to support a man who can "sleep in his clothes and shoes, increase security in the courtyard, install bars on the ninth floor," not criticize him, and be prepared for "aggressive forms of sex" and "numbness of feelings." According to forensic psychiatrist Alexandra Fateeva, the manual look like "A list of tips on how to enter a tiger's cage without being eaten in the first few minutes." The wives of the servicemen themselves also condemned the manual: in their opinion, the advice is unworkable, and it's easier for women to divorce than to follow it.

Another problem that arises in families is women's reluctance to keep the family together after the problems that arise during military operations. One common cause of divorce is men's infidelity at the front: "It would be one thing to wait if he ran away, scared. But he betrayed me," says Liza, claiming that no psychologist could have helped her restore their relationship.

Liza and her ex-husband, Nikolai, are 37 years old. They met in 2021, got married, and when the war began, he decided to sign a contract. He left for the front at the end of September 2023, and two weeks after leaving, he asked for a large sum of money, claiming he had spent all the money he'd paid for signing the contract on ammunition.

According to Liza, messages about the soldiers' leisure time would periodically appear in a chat with relatives of military personnel: "Someone's mom would write, 'My man was in the sauna with the girls.' At first, I didn't pay attention to these warning signs. Well, mine's not like that; mine definitely doesn't cheat."

In December, Nikolai received his first combat mission and lost contact. “Those were very difficult days; no one knew anything. It turned out that almost the entire unit was 200 [died — Ed.I searched for my husband through everyone: we found the numbers of the range commanders, we called everywhere. Everyone said he was at the BZ [combat mission — Ed.],” Lisa shares.

Two and a half weeks later, he wrote to Liza and again began asking for money, and then disappeared. A relative of one of Nikolai's comrades reported that he had deserted along with three other soldiers and that they were staying in a Ukrainian hotel.

The man soon reappeared and "revealed via video call that he wasn't alone, but with girls." The brigade commander later contacted Lisa and confirmed that her husband had escaped.

She divorced Nikolai through the courts, and soon Liza began a romantic relationship with the brigade commander.

Not everyone believes that psychological support measures for the families of war veterans can save marriages, and they believe that women simply find it convenient to divorce:

"Divorce has become profitable these days. If a woman knew that after a divorce she would be disdained by those around her, would see her children less, and would have to pay alimony or share family money, then the divorce rate would be ten times lower, if not a hundred times lower," reasoned Andrei Brezgin, head of the public movement "Men's Path," spoke at the 3rd All-Russian Fathers' Congress, which took place in Moscow on March 15-16. The movement's supporters advocate for expanded fathers' rights and "moderate conservatism."

The congress participants—members of public organizations, bloggers, veterans of the war in Ukraine, and State Duma deputies—presented reports on the adaptation of SVO participants to civilian life, the role of fathers in raising children, the ban on abortion, the natural commercialism of women, and methods for introducing patriarchy.

A recurring theme at the congress was divorce: participants are convinced the country must combat "subversion in the divorce market." Activists blame "Western feminists" for this:

"A huge number of feminists from groups trained in the West are convincing their wives to divorce, saying, 'Live for yourself. All men who come will be dangerous.'" As a result, soldiers returning from the front lines, wounded and exhausted, instead of receiving help, find their homes in ruins, children turned against them, property lost, and often their good name ruined," Brezgin said in a collective appeal to the Russian president, recorded at the end of the second day of the congress.

In conclusion, the congress participants proposed introducing a separate property regime for spouses—currently, spouses can only agree on this by signing a marriage contract.

Despite the congress's name, women also participated. Blogger Alena Stolichnaya gave a talk on "bloggers for demography" and recounted how, after speaking with SVO participants who had gone through divorce, she felt "pain and discomfort for all women": "Even if you've fallen out of love with someone, how can you give up someone who's currently in a war zone?"

Fear of public stigma does indeed hold some women back from divorce. "Ladies, has anyone experienced a husband who's gone on a contract and doesn't want to communicate? He reads texts, but refuses to answer calls or texts, and doesn't help financially. I don't know how to get through to him," a woman writes in a closed Telegram chat for "wives of the SVO." However, she immediately rules out the possibility of divorce: "If I file for divorce, they'll say I'm a lousy wife, I didn't wait for my husband to leave the SVO."

Clinical psychologist Galina Petrakova notes that external pressure on the wives of military personnel can negatively impact them and trap them: "We don't give them any tools to leave if they feel unsafe [with a man returning from combat]. We burden them with a huge responsibility [for preserving the family], which rests not only on them, but also on the man and the state that sent them [to war]. At the same time, they don't receive adequate psychological, social, or legal assistance or support that would be truly meaningful, given that their husband may be suffering from severe psychological trauma and even pose a potential danger to them."