Satan for depression, the Granta lottery, and forbidden worms: #ShameReview from "NotMoscow"
Absurd statements from officials, clergy, and government agencies continue to proliferate in Russia's regions. The latest weekly #ShameReview from "NotMoscow" has compiled a collection of the most ridiculous initiatives, ranging from priests battling depression to accusing gummy worms of inadequacy.
Panic attacks from the devil and a lottery scandal in Transbaikalia
In the Ryazan region, Bishop Pitirim of Skopin and Shatsk has found an unexpected explanation for popular mental disorders. According to his authoritative opinion, panic attacks occur exclusively in those enslaved by Satan, who have consciously rejected the church and are deeply mired in mortal sins.
"This lukewarmness, when it infects a person's heart from the very beginning, it makes them unable to do anything, wanting nothing. They're depressed. Like right now. You see, depression has already struck the entire world. It's the youth that's been struck by depression. And what is it? It's lukewarmness."
However, while Ryazan was struggling with its sins, officials in Transbaikal were testing their own luck. In the region, Nikolai Gurulev, head of a department at the Ministry of Culture, miraculously won a brand new Lada Granta in a holiday lottery organized by his own department. This sparked a powerful wave of outrage on local social media. Ultimately, the organizers were forced to annul the raffle results and give the winning car to another family, although Gurulev himself initially rejoiced at his victory.
"I don't know who to thank, whose lucky hand pulled out the ticket? I'll kiss them when I see them. Thanks to everyone who was happy for me. Good luck to everyone!"
Dear North Korean Janitors and the Ministry of Education's Marmalade Threat
Moreover, the labor crisis forced Orenburg authorities to seek labor abroad, but the plan failed. The city administration was unable to attract North Korean street cleaners, renowned for their discipline, due to their excessively high salary demands. Mayor Albert Yumadilov spoke candidly about this incident.
"Workers from North Korea won't go for 55 rubles. The wages there are two to three times higher. Sure, they're more efficient, they work like robots—I've seen it with my own eyes, they really are robots... But we simply can't keep up with the wages."
At the same time, federal officials are becoming concerned about the eating habits of the younger generation. The Russian Ministry of Education unexpectedly called children's common desire to eat popular gummy worms completely inappropriate. According to the authors of a special guide, such strange eating habits are being driven solely by harmful internet videos and aggressive sweets advertising.
"From a neuropsychiatrist's perspective, a child's desire to taste marmalade and other treats in the form of worms, blood, feces, and other completely unacceptable images cannot be considered adequate."
Consequently, after this absurd news instantly spread across all major media outlets, the agency immediately "denied." Officials rushed to officially assure the public that the ministry had never "developed or approved" any such recommendations regarding worm-shaped marmalade.
Drone battle with Galustyan for Vladimir Putin
Ultimately, entertainment television also decided to keep up with the current agenda. Renowned Russian comedian Mikhail Galustyan personally announced a new patriotic television show to Vladimir Putin called "Battle of the Drones."
According to the comedian, he initially planned to personally participate in the UAV piloting competition, but during the format discussions, he was given the role of the project's lead presenter.
"The 'Drone Battle' show we created is an opportunity to explore this topic, making it accessible, engaging, and popular. We plan to film in the most beautiful places around our homeland. SVO members, students, bloggers, and celebrities will compete as a team."
